


Team Taka Literary Criticism Club

by Snagglefanged



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Fangirls, Gen, Girls love Sasuke, In-Universe RPF, Sexual References, Suigetsu is a goddamn troll, but nothing actually happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-27
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2019-03-24 18:57:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13817403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snagglefanged/pseuds/Snagglefanged
Summary: On a visit to an inn, Sasuke is reminded yet again how much lust he apparently incites. Juugo's bewildered, Suigetsu's vastly amused, and Karin's not happy at all.





	Team Taka Literary Criticism Club

**Author's Note:**

> Because there is no way someone in the Naruto world *hasn't* written something about themself with Sasuke at some point. There is *no way.*

The problems, upon reflection, had begun when Sasuke managed to get himself injured again. It turned the team’s next stop at an inn into a longer one than they’d been expecting. On the bright side, this one had a hot spring, and that was good for recovery. 

On the other side, though… it might have been better if Suigetsu had stayed in the hot springs, and not gone snooping around, because, it had turned out, he’d been very good at finding unexpected things…

“Hey, Sasuke?” It’s the second night of their stay when Suigetsu returns to their rooms, brandishing some paper he’d found. “One of the maids kept watching you and writing things, so I pinched this, in case it’s important.”

Sasuke doesn’t bother to chide him for the theft – he knows Suigetsu won’t have been seen doing it, and if someone’s paying too much attention to their group, it might be worth investigating.

“What does it say?”

“I, hmmm…” There’s a rustle of paper as Suigetsu takes a look, skimming through the writing there. When he next speaks, his voice sounds suspiciously strangled.

“... _The raven-haired young man with the deep onyx eyes_ – what the fuck? – _laid one hand upon the door of her humble chamber, and she gazed up into the face of a dark angel, lovely and solitary, his very mien bespeaking terrible sorrows that only love might abate_ – no, seriously, what the fuck, ahahaha–”

Sasuke’s expression is completely blank. It’s as if the words have knocked on the door, been examined, and had the door slammed in their faces. “What.”

“This is about Sasuke?” Juugo puts in, looking baffled. All the words objectively make sense, but why they’ve been arranged in that order escapes him.

“Apparently?” Suigetsu keeps reading. “Blah, blah, something about _‘I have seen your maidenly visage and know the purity in your heart,’_ something about _‘destiny must have led me to you for already I feel I love you’_ – wow, this chick can’t write for shit, can she?”

Karin is oddly silent. Suigetsu risks a glance at her. She looks like she’ll explode at any moment, and prudently, Suigetsu relocates so that Karin would have to get past Sasuke to get at him.

“Why would anyone write that?” Juugo’s frown deepens as his confusion increases. Suigetsu supposes that the ins and outs – literally, if he’s any judge of where this little story’s going – of literature might not have been readily available to Juugo in the past.

“Because she wants a ride on the vengeance stick, obviously.” A pause. “...She wants to fuck Sasuke, so she’s written out all her little daydreams.”

“Oh.”

Suigetsu skims through the lines a bit further, and starts snickering. “Hey Juugo, you’re in this! Uhh… I think? If that’s what… _her dark angel’s chambers were guarded by the carnelian-eyed oranget with the rippling muscles_ … if that’s what that means, anyway. Sheesh, _I_ could have rippling muscles! Literally!” There’s an unsettling movement under his skin as his watery body shifts in illustration of this point.

“Orang...et?”

“...Yeah. Don’t worry, I’m nearly as confused as you are.”

“Are you in it?”

“Uh, I dunno.” Suigetsu’s flipping back and forth through the pages, with a bemused look. “Oh, here we go, I’m _the pale demon, a counter to this dark angel, who made her cling to her beloved for protection from the malice in his cruel violet eyes._ Hahaha, nice!”

“You _would_ think that was a compliment,” Karin mutters. She still seems distinctly put out.

“Put that back where you found it,” Sasuke says firmly.

“Aww, I’m not finished yet!” There’s a chortle from Suigetsu. “Doncha wanna know how you have… what I _think_ is sex with her? Hard to say for sure, the writing gets even worse there. And ooh, I think you’re secretly a prince from some far-off land who’ll take her away and put a baby in her. Lots of babies. She wants seven kids? Wow.”

“No.”

Suigetsu reads aloud with gusto, ignoring Sasuke’s contribution. “ _His manly essence flooded the secret core of her womanhood and she gazed up into his shimmering dark eyes, ravaged by the pleasure of his touch_ – hahaha holy shit it only gets worse from there, trust me.” He squints at Sasuke. “Do you even have a ‘manly essence’?” he asks, sounding as innocent as he possibly can.

“Is Karin in there?” Juugo asks hastily, trying to change the subject a little.

“Yeah, I think so? If that’s what this chick means by _the spiteful-looking redheaded –_  boy? She turned you into a boy, Karin? Think she was avoiding competition, or did she just look at you and make assumptions – hey, _Karin_!”

In the ensuing scramble as Suigetsu tries to shield himself and the papers that have entertained him so greatly from Karin’s wrath, further quotations are mercifully avoided, and by the time the scuffle is over, Suigetsu has lost his appetite for literary criticism.

Nobody can look that maid in the eye for the rest of their stay, though.


End file.
